This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
