i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Couch. On fire.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
