high people should be assigned attendants
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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