I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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