Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
