Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
