Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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