I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
