Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
