one word: firstdatebathroomanal
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When are your genitals available?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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