WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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