That's intense
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
