Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
