Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
