I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
