just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize