so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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