We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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