Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
