Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
