Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
