I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
