take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
