My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize