I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
