Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
