"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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