Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
