Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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