he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
