i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
