real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
