oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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