He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am available for nakedness
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
