I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize