Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
