Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
