I want to make a zoo with you.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
