I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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