I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
