I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
