I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
