I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
third nipple confirmed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
