Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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