dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
In America we eat man semen.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
