I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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