Soap is not a condiment
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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