we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
