I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
this hospital has no fireball
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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