Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
