I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
