I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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