i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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