Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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