just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
