How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
