We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
