We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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