Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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