Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
