pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
