I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
