WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You were trust falling into bushes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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