what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
