i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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