apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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