i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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