You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
