Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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